I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
