If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
