he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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