Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
