So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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