Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
