WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
