all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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