I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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