i need an iv and a liver transplant
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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