youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize