Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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