Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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