Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
