yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
