My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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