I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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