Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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