dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
