we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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