I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
