Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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