I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
