do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
