Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
