matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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