Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
