so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
