Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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