Dual....:-)
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
