So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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