Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
