I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
