is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
