I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
