a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
