You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
