I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I want to be your penis for a week.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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