I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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