peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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