I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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