I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
