There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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