The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
