Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
