This is not my ceiling
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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