It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
