i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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