Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
