dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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