On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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