He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
