just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
