She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
