Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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