Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize