Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
