i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
