There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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