Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
