You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
