I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
