so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
