his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
