Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize