Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
