That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
