I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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