I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
