Who did Billy Mays play for?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
