Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Randomize
