I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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