i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
