Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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