i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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