i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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