i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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