Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
