I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
