What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
