I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
