there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
