I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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