When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
they need to just BURY HIM!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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