I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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