smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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