Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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