I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize