Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
