i already hear my dad disowning me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize