Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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