she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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