Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
