3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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