I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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