The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
