I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
