my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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