I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
