Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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